A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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