I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
