I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
