At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
