I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
