the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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