You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
handjob tips. give me some.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
