he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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