He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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