what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
