Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
