Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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