hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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