thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
NoShamevember. You game?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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