I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
