i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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