It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
