Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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