Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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