i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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