I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
