I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
