im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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