woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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