when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was so not down for the gang bang
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
