It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
