i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
