Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
