just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your penis caused this!
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