I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
