Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
