Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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