best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize