I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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