oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
