You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
