State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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