You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
