i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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