youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
