Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
