I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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