I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
