well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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