Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
