She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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