No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
