would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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