I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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