My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize