I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
