Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh god it's open bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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