Your dad touched me again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
