is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
