Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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