it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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