They should really pass out barf bags in church
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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